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I have been thinking about the difference between a refuge and a home. People often fold safety and survival into the idea of living, as though the absence of danger were the same as the presence of life. Yet the two are not identical. Some environments offer protection at the cost of seasonality, speech, or desire. A while ago, a colleague asked me to consider writing something about Thumbelina. I had begun to, but never quite found the right home for it. However, in think

She had lived with coercive control for years before she could name it. Nothing dramatic, nothing that would have been recognised as abuse from the outside. It was the slow narrowing of a relational field. Decisions that once felt mutual became weighted. Her movements were monitored - always from a place of concern and helpfulness. Her preferences softened to avoid conflict. Over time, she learned to anticipate rather than express, to adjust rather than assert. What she descr

As the new year rolls around, many of us drift into a familiar ritual of self-appraisal. We think about who we have been, who we are becoming, and how we want to position ourselves in the world. For those of us who work clinically, this often includes a quieter question. Not just, “How can I be more compassionate or effective,” but, “What am I really like in the room with my patients, supervisees, or groups, and what do I do with the parts of me I dislike.” In this season of

A note of thanks, and a reflection on institutional life A friend recently shared with me the old Scots tale of Rashin-Coatie. Some stories do not arrive as arguments or interpretations. They arrive as recognition. They put words, images, and movement to something you already know in your body. Rashin-Coatie is a folk tale about a young girl who is ill-used within her own family. While her older sister is favoured, Rashin-Coatie is sent out into the woods to herd cattle and g

There is a story in Jewish tradition of a city called Luz. It is not defended by walls. It is not announced on maps. It survives because it is not fully given over to the world. In the midrash, Luz is a place where death does not enter. Not because the people are spared suffering, and not because time is suspended, but because the city itself cannot be fully found. It is known only through transmission. You arrive there by being told, not by conquering. Some versions say that

Hans My Hedgehog, a German fairy tale recorded by the Brothers Grimm in 1815’s Kinder- und Hausmärchen (Children's and Household Tales), traces roots far older, echoing ancient struggles with transformation and otherness seen in tales like Theseus and the Minotaur or Oedipus. These stories, like Hans’, probe how the monstrous and the human collide, challenging notions of belonging. The tale follows Hans, born half-human, half-hedgehog, rejected by his parents and society for

Recently, I watched an old BBC Horizon documentary Freak Wave (2002). The show explores the mysterious and terrifying reality of rogue waves: massive, unpredictable walls of water once dismissed as mariners’ myths. The documentary unveils these giants as real: a 26-meter wall striking the Draupner platform in 1995, and satellites detecting ten such behemoths within weeks. Science transitions from linear disbelief to nonlinear truth - the Schrödinger equation demonstrating how

Lately I have been having a rather strange split experience. I move in some groups and there is a feeling of angst and fear - conversations are consumed with how we are about to face something terrifying: Leaders of the world have gone mad and we are in imminent danger. In other spaces people are exhaling: Finally someone is doing something about the insanity we have been living in the past few years. Yes we are moving in to a period of noisy instability for the purpose of

Over the summer I took a camping trip to the Isles of Scilly. For anyone who hasn’t been, these are a small group of extraordinarily beautiful islands off the Cornish coast. As an English woman, I was left with an uncanny feeling of the familiarity of being in the UK yet in a landscape that feels other worldly. On Fraser island we came across a golden sand beach inlet, filled with seals. I witnessed more than 20 seals poking up their heads just off shore, with two intrepid s

I recently attended a conference in Finland. A small group of clinicians travelled from across the world to meet in person and think together about psychotherapy practices when working with people who are questioning their gender. Given the powerful political context, the polarised opinions on the nature of the experience of being gender questioning and the insight that significant harm has been enacted by our professions, meant the valuable diversity of both thought and life

Geppetto washing Pinocchio (1996) Paula Rego. ‘Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive’. Marmion, Sir Walter Scott 1808. Growing up I struggled with truth telling. I preferred fantasy and the stories I could create about how I wished my life was. I wanted to give people an image of my life as I imagined they preferred to hear and it didn't occur to me that my own experience would be enough. It took time for me to develop a more confident relationshi

The wind blows over the lake and stirs the surface of the water. Thus visible effects of the invisible parts of our environment manifest themselves. It would seem the word narcissism is everywhere at the moment. The term is thrown around to describe both individuals such as political leaders, as well as entire professional groups or even linked to national identities. There are several ways of understanding the use of the word narcissism, and I have a preference for returnin

I have been training to become a group analyst for what feels like forever, and I still have a way to go. I am someone who likes everything done last week and so this slowed pace of learning has felt a little alien and at times tortuous. It would seem whenever I think I am getting ahead, I hit a stop sign. My first response is always to take on more and go faster, get even busier. Yet again and again - I find out I can’t win or live happily that way, and the answer has be

"When, lo! as they reached the mountain-side, A wondrous portal opened wide, As if a cavern was suddenly hollowed; And the Piper advanced and the children followed, And when all were in to the very last, The door in the mountain-side shut fast." Robert Browning, The Pied Piper of Hamelin: A Child’s Story Pied Piper of Hamelin by Aldin, Cecil Charles Windsor (1870-1935) One of the stories from my childhood that used to both fascinate and frighten me was "The Pied Piper of Ha

I have recently been engaged in several emotionally heated discussions concerning the complexities of the use of gender affirmative therapy for people who go through a gender transition and later de-transition. In reflecting on these conversations I remembered a 2019 blog post I wrote called ’The Cost of Compromising to Belong.’ I thought it might be useful to revisit the fairytale I mentioned in that particular blog - the Hans Christian Andersen story of ‘The Emperor's New

Have you ever completely changed your mind about something? Like waking up from a dream and experiencing yourself as changed or shifted in some way, and you think- what was that all about? Except you know what it was about and you have to take a deep breath and face the fact that the thing you were so sure of, wasn’t such a safe bet after all. I have - more than a few times now. The occurrence of these world view shifts has taught me to be wary of my certainty. Areas of

Last Christmas I found myself in the rather engrossing task of building a Lego technic race plane. The task was set for children 7+ years and my initial fantasy that this would be a straightforward assembly was quickly challenged. The aircraft was more technical than I had imagined it would be for this age group, which of course makes sense as following manuals is not quite the same skill set as unassisted engineering. I eventually got into the groove of translating the i

With so much going on in the world there can be a temptation to remain silent and keep our heads down. Listening is of course an important aspect of communication and we need to listen to each other's stories. However we also need to share our own. In thinking about communication and the need to hear different stories and especially stories that hold difference, the story of The Little Mermaid comes to mind. The fairy tale “The Little Mermaid” was written in 1837 and was i

By Dr Libby Nugent, First Published Oct 1 2021 02:49PM “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?” “Thou, O Queen, art the fairest in the land,” said the mirror. Little Snow-White. Grimm. 1812 I’m sure many reading this blog will know the story of Snow White: a powerful, insecure queen seeks reassurance of her insurmountable beauty from her reflection in a magical mirror. One day the mirror declares her step daughter (Snow White) is the fairest in the land

By Dr Libby Nugent, First Published May 25 2021 02:29PM In Cinderella there is an important symbol of feet (and shoes). It is Cinderella’s uniquely shaped, small feet that make her a perfect fit for the glass or golden slippers. In the original Grimm brother’s version, by instruction from the mother, the ugly sisters' feet are cut up to fit Cinderella's shoes. The first sister has her big toe cut off, the second sister has her heel removed. They are told to hide their pain an